Taking the plunge....

If I'll goes well, I should be doing some hiring this week.

This is new territory for me. I briefly had a law clerk last year - who would have been fine if health and family issues hadn't kept her out of the office - but I've always been on my own.

I've also always kept things on a small scale. When I first started out, the priority was to avoid laying out any money and trying to pay the rent each month (we didn't have a line in the budget for groceries). I knew at the time that there was no guarantee that my husband would get a position in our city. As time went on, I also knew that I had to have a schedule that was kid-friendly - I'm the one who gets called when the school finds lice - again, or when someone gets a tummy ache, or who works from home when a kid spikes a fever. I'm also the one who books off when the kids are off school, or when school closes early. The end result is that I don't come close to working full-time hours. Now, I'm grateful to have the type of work that allows me to be my own boss and create my own schedule, and I like the work/life balance - but honestly, I've been holding back. I haven't done the professional events, I've avoided taking on more work, and I haven't devoted the time to the practice that it needs.

In the past, I think that I was silently resentful of the time that was devoted to my husband's career and that fact that mine so clearly came second. In recent years, though, his schedule has been less crazy, and he is taking on more of the responsibility with the kids. The kids, too, are requiring less of my time. My oldest is now starting to babysit, and even the fact that they all sleep through the night. I had 3 kids in 5 years. From 1998 to 2005, I was either pregnant or breastfeeding, and it's only been a year since my youngest has reliably been able to put himself to bed, stay dry through the night, needed no assistance getting dressed or in the washroom, and been able to get in and out of the car by himself. It feels like I'm slowly coming out of a fog. I think I started with the internet "mommy boards" as an attempt to have something "for me" during those years - especially since it was the one thing I could do while nursing in the middle of the night - but I've been closing my accounts and getting ready to let it go.

It's time to move to the next phase. I know this makes sense. I've got good marketing, and I'm good at getting clients to hire me on. I like settlement meetings, and I even get a rush from going to court. I don't like dealing with the telephone, I don't like mountains of paper, and it's hard when I have client who want things done when I have family obligations. Hiring a law clerk and a junior lawyer will allow me to focus on what I do well, and delegate what I don't. It just a matter of getting up the nerve to do it, because this is a new level.